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Best Jokes About Putin

Stories abound of Ukrainians keeping their spirits up by discussing Putin's facial surgery and telling jokes about him. Here are some of the dark jokes about the ghastly Vladimir Putin that we've heard.

Protester holding up an anti-Putin placard

I know Russia is corrupt… the proof is in the Putin.

What do you call Russia’s dictator when he’s mad? Put-out.

How do you start a joke about Vladimir Putin? By looking over your shoulder.

Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through customs.

Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin branded jeans. Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says: "Great rulers of Russia, I seek your wisdom in our country's time of need. How should I lead it to greater prosperity?"

The leaders all turn, looking towards a shorter man towards the front: Joseph Stalin. He steps forward, and says to Putin: "Here are the two things that you must do. First, gather up all the Democrat politicians and have them shot. Second, paint the outside of the Kremlin blue."

Putin looks back at Stalin, incredulously. "Blue?! Why would I paint the Kremlin blue?"

Stalin cracks a smile, and then howls with laughter. Turning towards the rest of the men, he proudly proclaims, "See? I told you he wouldn't ask about the first one!"

An interviewer asks Putin, "Do you ever think there'll be a female president?"

"Of course not," Putin replies.

"Why?" the interviewer inquires.

"Am I female?" Putin responds.

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins?


Not so long ago, Russia's Ministry of Enlightenment released this footage of their glorious leader:


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