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Best Jokes of Sean Lock

Updated: Mar 8, 2023

Described as the comedian's comedian, Sean Lock sadly died last week. His agent said 'Sean was one of Britain’s finest comedians, his boundless creativity, lightning wit and the absurdist brilliance of his work, marked him out as a unique voice in British comedy.' So, why not celebrate his life by enjoying some of his jokes?

Comedian Sean Lock
Sean Lock | Wikipedia

“Some people say the glass is half empty or half full but to me that’s irrelevant because I’m having another drink.”

“I’m not sure what my biggest fear is. It’s either me saying yes to Strictly… or them saying no.”

“If you permed a fox I think it’d look a bit like Mick Hucknall. I actually think it’d be kinder to perm them than hunt them. As they’d be too embarrassed to go out and bother the sheep”.

“I’d like to be more in tune with other people’s feelings… so I can pinpoint their weaknesses and go for them more effectively when I do.”

“A thing a lot of people don’t know about me: I’m incredibly organised. For example, if I make tea, I don’t make one cup of tea – I make a big batch of tea. I’ll have a cup of tea and then I’ll freeze the rest of it. And then when I want to have a cup of tea, I’ll just break off a bit of frozen tea and put it in a pan. 25 minutes later I’ve got a lovely cup of tea without all the hassle.”

“There’s one good reason for horror films, it’s an opportunity for intimacy between teenagers. It’s ideal because if you take someone to see Saw 2, anything you do to them afterwards will seem like a treat.”

“A bit of advice: never read a pop-up book about giraffes.”

“The Daleks: devoid of all emotion except hate. They’re like Piers Morgan on wheels.”

“I like the bonfire thing. I had to take the RSPCA advice quite seriously because they said you should check under your bonfire for sleeping hedgehogs. I couldn’t find any, but luckily I had some in the freezer.”

"‘You got your bag for life?’ Too bloody right I have. Now fill it with vodka or fags. I’m ironic. Let’s see who goes first, me or the bag.”

“I’ll tell you one thing: I think Nasa killed Michael Jackson. He died the same week as the anniversary of the initial moon landing, of the first moonwalk. They resent the fact that any time anyone puts ‘moonwalk’ into Google or anything, it cones up with him sliding backwards with a hat on and not the billions they spent going up to do a moonwalk. They hated that, and they killed him.”

“I don’t like the Queen. I think it’s absurd that we have a queen. Basically what we’re saying is that we’re no more sophisticated than bees.”

“For me shoes are just a barrier between dog s**t and my socks.”

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