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Blatter and Platini Flee Justice

Updated: Nov 16, 2021

The two former FIFA executives are believed to be on the run somewhere in Europe but the trail keeps going hot and cold. Warning: Fake News!

With echoes of the Hollywood movie Thelma and Louise (starring Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon) Michael Platini was heard today yelling: “Floor it, you idiot!” as he hopped into the passenger seat - Starsky and Hutch style - of a vintage cream convertible driven by his fellow disgraced ex-FIFA official Sepp Blatter, before the pair chewed up the gravel of the driveway of their discreet hotel to accelerate away, just in the nick of time, pursued by the international fraud squad.

Former FIFA officials Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini have been charged with fraud and other offences in Switzerland. Swiss prosecutors say Mr Blatter unlawfully arranged a transfer of two million Swiss francs ($2.19m; £1.6m) to Mr Platini in 2011. Prosecutors say the payment "damaged Fifa's assets and unlawfully enriched Platini".

The moment the charges were announced, and before the feds could arrest the pair, they absconed in Blatter's sporty little motor and are now reportedly hopping from town to town, using assumed names and slowly getting on each other’s last remaining nerves - despite the fact that they both deny the charges.

“You just missed them, they were bickering over there about which of them got the biggest half of the croissant they were eating,” said one café worker in Tuscany, as the net closed in on the unlikely fugitives.

“Blatter and Platini? No, sorry. But there were two elderly gentlemen who checked out this morning under the names Platter and Plate, could that be them?” offered a hotel receptionist in Bonn two days earlier, before adding that people in the next room had complained about the pair arguing all night.

Also in hot pursuit of the dastardly duo is a hastily assembled crack team of some of football’s hardest hitters, an A-Team that has been dispatched by top brass to ensure that FIFA maintains it’s sparkling reputation for being 100% corruption free.


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