With the Edinburgh Fringe kicking off this weekend (it runs until 28 August), here's a baker's dozen of great one-liner jokes from past events to perk up the day.
“I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.” Lou Sanders
“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” Stewart Francis
“As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.” Gary Delaney
“I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting.'” Paddy Lennox
“Words can’t express how much I hate World Emoji Day.” Christian Talbot
“I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” Alexei Sayle
“Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!”‘ Alasdair Beckett-King
“A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event” Angela Barnes
“As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer” Adele Cliff
“Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” Tiff Stevenson
“I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.” Gary Delaney
“If you don’t know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself” Ian Smith
“A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. That’s 20 cows'” Jake Lambert
Today's Articles
What Went Right Last Week: Synopsis of last week's most important good news. Highlights...
Top Trio: Three of last week's most clicked upbeat articles and the most watched video. Links...