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Funny Quotes About Christmas

An uplifting collection of amusing, occasionally insightful, quotations about Christmas.


Couple staring at their Christmas tree and its lights

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I'll drink the red." Bing Crosby (slightly doctored)


"What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present." Don Marquis


“Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality.” Washington Irving


“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” Charles Dickens


“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” Hamilton Wright Mabie


"My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in." Les Dawson


"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall." Larry Wilde


"One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books." J.K. Rowling


“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” Burton Hills


"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus." Bob Phillips


“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.” Donald E. Westlake


"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." Shirley Temple


"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." Andy Rooney


"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" Bob Hope


"You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." Maya Angelou


"Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words." Harlan Miller


“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.” Fred Rogers


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