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Random Collection of Wise But Amusing Quotations

Updated: May 17

Some of these are bound to bring a smile to your face.


Street sign saying Funny Quotes Ahead

“A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” Lucille Ball


“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” Fran Lebowitz


“It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


“If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” Margaret Thatcher


“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” Graham Norton


“Whatever you do, always give 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood.” Bill Murray


“When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White


“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” Reba McEntire


“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” Oscar Wilde


“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” Norman Wisdom


“People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” Sophia Petrillo


“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers


“Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” Jason Love


“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama

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