Following a raft of sanctions by EU, America, Canada and other nations on Russia’s regime, Vladimir Putin is set to personally feel the pinch as his own overseas assets are hit.
“Aside from any assets like boats and houses abroad we can link to Putin, other assets have been frozen in effort to demonstrate his invasion of Ukraine will not be tolerated,” confirmed one official charged with placing former US president Donald Trump into a block of ice. Trump, of course, recently described Putin’s stated Ukraine strategy as “genius” and “savvy” and has long been suspected of being a bit of a Putin's poodle.
“This is a very comprehensive set of sanctions so Putin will suffer personally, priceless assets will now be out of his reach” added the official luring Trump into the large freezer with the aid of a picture of a topless Putin riding a horse.
Experts believe that while Putin, a man only on $100,000 salary, might miss the yachts he somehow magically owns, it is the loss of his beloved lapdog that will hit him the hardest and potentially turn the tide in this developing war.
“Losing money? Doesn’t matter to Putin, he can just steal from his own people once more but the loss of his whining, undermining, division sowing, Putin kowtowing, not-quite-sane Trump – that’s a one of kind treasure,” explained one political expert.
For the avoidance of doubt, this article is fake news!
Today's OGN Sunday Magazine articles
Stonehenge: To understand the world when it was built 4,500 years ago, the British Museum has hundreds of artifacts to showcase the full panoply of Bronze Age Europe in a new exhibition. OGN picks the best.