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Airport Luggage Turns Up at CERN

Updated: Aug 12, 2022

As airport chaos continues, there's good news for passengers who lost their luggage coming through London's Heathrow airport. They can breathe a sigh of relief today after scientists at CERN confirmed that hundreds of suitcases were found scattered along the hadron collider and will be returned in due course.

Mountain of airport luggage

Along with the luggage, several disorientated passengers were also found wandering around the facility before being shuttled to a nearby hospital and treated for shock.

“Last thing I remember I was queueing for security and the next I’m walking around the tunnel,” said one disgruntled passenger, who spent three days wondering around in circles before being found. “I was meant to fly to Marrakech but ended up in Switzerland. It's mind boggling that CERN's particle collider can suck things up from hundreds of miles away. The physicists really should stop this happening!"

Heathrow has confirmed that a chartered flight will now fly to Geneva and collect the hoard of luggage and 7 lost passengers and fly them back to London.

“We have no idea how this happened,” said the airport authorities, “we can only apologise to those passengers affected and charge them three times the fare back from Switzerland”.

A spokes scientist at CERN stated this isn’t the first-time lost items have been found at the facility, confirming thousands of odd socks, teaspoons, pens and car keys are regularly discovered at the site.


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