Evil Man Who Wanted Everyone To Have Healthcare Finally Defeated.
The USA is today breathing a sigh of relief, after the presidential campaign of the notorious Bernie Sanders finally came to a halt, ending months of fear that the country would be placed under the rule of someone who wanted everyone to have access to a decent standard of healthcare.
“It’s over, it’s finally over” wept one Florida woman, who had lived in fear that Sanders would take away her right to die at home because she couldn’t afford the medical procedure that would keep her alive.
“We dodged a bullet with this guy in 2016, but it looked like he was really going to get us this time” said another, who seemed perfectly happy with huge corporations receiving tax cuts from the government if it means more freedom to be a free American.
“He thought he was going to make me equal with someone richer than me? No thank you, this is America!” roared another red-blooded flag waver.
Having pulled out of the race to focus more fully on tearing apart the fabric of society, Sanders’ concession leaves the door open to former Vice President Joe Biden, who experts are predicting is a shoe-in to be the runner up when the nation goes to the polls in November.
In other news, Americans are feeling especially relaxed and secure, now that their orange President has bragged that he's succeeded in completing a jigsaw puzzle in only two days, even though the box said '2 to 4 years'.