Funny One-Liners From Edinburgh Fringe 2025

Comedians from around the world have made the pilgrimage to the Scottish capital to test out their new jokes at the largest arts festival on the planet.

Ready for some jokes?

The 2025 Edinburgh Fringe Festival is in full swing, with over 3,000 performers putting on over 50,000 performances at several hundred venues across the city. The annual jamboree kicked off on at the beginning of August and concludes on the 25th so, no doubt, there's still time for more chuckle-worthy one-liners to emerge. In the meantime, here's OGN's latest selection of little crackers to put a smile on your face...

Proposed to my wife while Neil Diamond was playing which is perfect really, as his name is itself a brief set of instructions for the ideal proposal. Simon Evans

I’ve got two kids, one’s four and the other’s against. Josie Long

A man came up to me at Glastonbury and said “I want what you’re on”. I panicked and gave him my chair. Dan Tiernan

My uncle said, “Your aunt’s reading Howards End”. I said, “Forster?” He said, “No, of her own accord.” Danny Matinee

People who say bath bombs are relaxing have clearly never tried to carry one home in the rain. Ian Smith

This spider has been in my house so long, I wanted to ask if it can pay for half the WiFi. I mean, the spider can afford it - it’s a web developer.” Sikisa

James Bond’s secret agent number is 007. Or +447 when he’s overseas. Bec Hill

Last night, I had a really boring dream. I slept right through it. Jacob Nussey

How do you turn a carrot into another vegetable? Hold it over a flame until it’s chard. Ali Brice

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