How to Use Love Languages to Build a Stronger, Happier Relationship

People tend to express romantic love in different ways. According to Baptist pastor Gary Chapman, there are five of them, and they’re called ‘Love Languages’. Since Chapman released his bestselling book in 1992, his ideas have gained traction - and, whatever the scientific evidence behind them, it might be that the core concepts are worth looking at if you want to build and repair your romantic life.

What language does your partner speak?

Why Love Languages Matter in Everyday Relationships: If you’re showing care to your partner, and they don’t appear to be reciprocating in the way you expected, then it can be useful to think of them as communicating in a different language.

They’re misinterpreting your signals and gestures, just as you might be misinterpreting theirs. By figuring out the languages that each of you speaks, you can reduce misunderstandings and strengthen your relationship.

What Love Languages Look Like in Real Life: So, what are Chapman’s ‘love languages’? Let’s run through them. First, there are ‘words of affirmation’, which basically amount to the nice things you say to one another. Compliments, encouragements, and straightforward expressions of love might be in this category. Second, there’s quality time spent together, during which you’re giving your partner your undivided attention. Third, there are physical gifts, which should ideally be vehicles for meaning and non-monetary value. Fourth, you might perform a task or a service. Think cleaning around the house, emptying the

dishwasher, or generally making life easier for your partner. Finally, there’s physical intimacy. Here we’re not just talking about sex, but also holding hands, hugging, kissing, and those small touches that happen throughout the day.

How to Identify What Matters Most to Your Partner: So, how do you work out the language your partner wants you to speak? Trial and error can work well, provided that you’re able to observe your partner’s reactions and understand them. You might start by speaking all five languages and then honing your approach over time. If the gifts you’re buying are less appreciated than the tasks you perform, then it’s probably worth doing more of the latter.

Using Thoughtful Actions to Match Their Love Language: When you do those small things to make your partner feel happier, they’ll tend to notice. In many cases, it’s not just that you’re learning to speak the right love language, but also that you’re making an effort to learn to do so. If your partner enjoys gifts, but you’re only at an early stage of the relationship, then you might decide to invest in a promise ring.

Making It a Consistent Part of Your Relationship: If you’re only expressing your love once every few weeks, then the chances are that you’ll come across as insincere. Great relationships are built on ongoing expressions of love and support, rather than occasional grand gestures. If necessary, you might try to structure the time and energy you put into expressing love to your partner. You might set aside a specific time each week so that you can act on what you’ve learned and remind your partner that they’re loved and appreciated.