Are you fully conversant with new terminology and phraseology?
Quarantinis: Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, i.e. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.
Furlough Merlot: Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.
Quentin Quarantino: An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.
Blue Skype thinking: A work brainstorming session which takes place over a video-conferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”. Naturally, they are to be avoided if at all possible.
Le Creuset wrist: It’s the new “avocado hand” - an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.
Coronials: As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine.
Coronadose: An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a panicdemic.
Covidiot or Wuhan-ker: One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.
Mask-ara: Extra make-up applied to "make one's eyes pop" before venturing out in public wearing a face mask.
Covid-10: The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.
Coronacoaster: The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.
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Words Redefined: Replace one letter in a word and then re-define.