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Top 18 Funny Golf Quotes

Updated: May 7, 2022

As the Masters enters its final day at Augusta, Georgia, we thought it appropriate to publish our favourite golf quotes.

Aerial view of a golf green

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. Tiger Woods

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. George Deukmejian

The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. Dean Martin

They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Flyod

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford

To find a man’s true character, play golf with him. P.G. Wodehouse

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. Henry Youngman

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Dave Barry

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. Lee Travino

Golf… is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. P.G. Wodehouse

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Jack Benny

The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. Phyllis Diller

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. William Wordsworth

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Dave Berry

I’ll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine. Bruce Lansky

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