Trump Administration Not Sure Where The Sun Goes at Night
- 2 hours ago
- 2 min read
President Trump's opinion that climate change does not endanger human health and the environment (as per his recent ruling) has allowed the White House to turn its attention to other more pressing matters.
Like, where does the sun go at night? In order to resolve this uncertainty, all remaining top scientists have been taken from their positions and instructed to get to the bottom of this. Could Russia or China be using it for nefarious reasons? It would be even better if it could be proved that Greenland was involved or, at least, shown to be even vaguely connected to the nightly heist.
If so, it would be even more important to get control of Denmark's sovereign territory - whether or not the King of Denmark had recently changed his coat of arms to signal his displeasure and to rebuke Trump. How dare he?
In the Oval Office, amongst the opulent new gold leaf detailing, the president and his advisers are making a big, big, very big list of possibilities, just in case Russia, China or Greenland are not responsible for this nightly theft. Amongst the ideas that scientists (even though you can't be sure you can trust scientists) and other national agencies have been asked to consider are:
The sun might be on the back of a big beetle - a dung beetle, maybe. (The EPA will work to determine what kind of beetle.) Where is the beetle going with it?
Could it be witches taking it? (They are pretty sure in the White House that witches are real.)
Maybe unwelcome immigrants steal the sun in the evenings. That would be good. Maybe even better than Greenland. How can we make that stick? Maybe their children have the sun, and we should warehouse them all in Texas until one of them gives it up.
Could it be Iran? You can never trust an ayatollah.
Let's talk to King Charles! The president was a big, big friend of his mother, perhaps even her best friend ever, so the king is bound to be helpful.
The list of ideas is getting so extensive that they are running out of white boards. Be that as it may, in this strange new Trumpian world, it appears that you can just decide that you don’t know things, even if you do know them. You can simply decide to forget progress and ignore all the evidence. You can simply decide to burn coal and witches and books again.
Note: If you are trying to recall what the acronym FAFO relates to (as per the image above), it stands for “F*** around and find out.” Trump was actually the first to use this acronym. Lots of others were coined by other people. Remember TACO?