White House Dog Training

You've probably heard that Joe Biden's dog has been getting into a lot of trouble biting people. His German Shepard is now to undergo intensive training to ensure he only bites Republicans. Warning: Fake News!

US President Joe Biden’s German Shepard, called Major, has been sent to training camp. The First Dog had his chain yanked again this week after helping himself to the hand of a Secret Service agent, and as such has been sent to an off-site training facility where he will learn that the tastiest humans are those who fly the flag of the GOP, and that Democrats should be left alone at all costs.

“So you may be asking, how do we train a dog to bite only Republicans. Well, it’s easy” said Romea Cesaro, chief dog handler at Major’s training academy.

“We show them mannequins of noted Republicans such as Ted Cruz, Mitch McConnell, the Trump kids and so on. And we let them learn what traits the Republicans have that they can sniff out such as guns, oil and money. Major will be trained to listen out for key phrases, such as ‘thoughts and prayers’, that kind of thing. Lastly, we will put dog treats in the pockets of these mannequins, so that Major learns to sink his teeth into the right people.

The reward? Major has been promised a promotion to the rank of General.

Meanwhile, President Biden is said to be greatly missing his chompy little buddy and has instructed his son Hunter to ‘make himself useful’ and bite any right-leaning politician he sees until Major (sorry, General) gets back.