Feel like a good chuckle? Here's a bundle of jokes to lighten the mood...
A man owns a parrot that can't stop swearing. So he says to him, 'If you don't stop swearing, I'll put you in the fridge.' The parrot keeps on swearing. So he puts it in the fridge. Five minutes later, he takes the parrot out of the fridge, and says to it, 'Are you going to stop swearing?' 'Yes,' says the parrot. 'But what did that chicken do?' Barry Cryer
Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through customs. Customs officer: Occupation?
Putin: No, just visiting.
I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery. Tim Vine
A thing a lot of people don’t know about me: I’m incredibly organised. For example, if I make tea, I don’t make one cup of tea – I make a big batch of tea. I’ll have a cup of tea and then I’ll freeze the rest of it. And then when I want to have a cup of tea, I’ll just break off a bit of frozen tea and put it in a pan. 25 minutes later I’ve got a lovely cup of tea without all the hassle. Sean Lock
Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: “Make an effort, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow.” Tommy Tiernan
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Nick Helm
"Life Hack: When too tired to do all the things on your To Do list, try a To Don’t list. Simply write all the things you’re not going to do and then... don’t do them. Huge sense of achievement with none of the effort." Eleanor Tiernan
"Did you know the word Ikea is actually made up of two Swedish words? Ika, meaning Sunday, and kea, meaning 'f***ing ruined'." The Scummy Mummies Show
There's an old man walking along the street at two in the morning. He's stumbling a bit and holding a glass. So the police stop him and ask him where he's going. 'To a lecture.' 'At two in the morning?' asks the policeman. 'What's the lecture on?' 'Smoking and drinking,' the old man says. 'Who's giving it?' 'My wife.' Barry Cryer
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