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Oh Thank God

Updated: Jun 22, 2020

Trump Appoints Ivanka and Jared to the Council to Reopen America. The economy is in a shambles, but fear not: the poster children for nepotism are on the case.

Yes, the latest disturbing development in America's (and global) nightmare is the news that Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner will be on the White House’s council to reopen America. While the duo needs no introduction at this point, for those not entirely clear what their qualifications are to sit on this council, they include, in the case of Ivanka: a failed clothing line, a knack for not knowing how words work, the inability to obtain a top secret security clearance without President Daddy demanding it, and a grasp of the current situation so strong that she thinks quarantined parents have time to take up new instruments and brush up on Greek and Roman mythology.

And what does the Boy Prince of New Jersey bring to the table? With a CV as long as his, it’s hard to hit on all of his accomplishments, but some of the highlights include: paying more than $1 billion for an aging skyscraper on the eve of the financial crisis, a career as a slumlord, convincing his father-in-law to keep the 2019 shutdown going based on a delusional bet that he could convince Nancy Pelosi to pay for the border wall, and, of course, telling the president the coronavirus was not a “health reality.”

So you’ve got Barbie and Ken on board, but who else makes up this brain trust that is literally holding people’s lives in its hands? Any doctors? Health experts? Economists? Hell no! Why would anyone think to call them?

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