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Christmas Cracker Chuckles

Most are notoriously cringe-worthy, but the ones below are actually quite chuckle-worthy.

Box of Christmas crackers

Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.

What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.

What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.

Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care.

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger.

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered.

What's the difference between Santa Clause and a knight? One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He felt his presents.

Why did the Grinch go to Bargain Booze? He needed some holiday spirit.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!


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