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Funny Quotes From Movies

A baker's dozen of quotations from the movies to give you a chuckle.

Hollywood sign at dawn

“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

“There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”

Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Bob: “Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.”

Peter: “I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.”

Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

“Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room.”

President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”

Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”

Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

Usher: “Bride or groom?”

Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”

Four Weddings and a Funeral

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

Lucy: “There's just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”

Fred: “Your feet?”

Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

“I’m not good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

“My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

“The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.”

Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

More quotations from the OGN archives...

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