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Funny Tweets About Married Life

Ten hilarious tweets that are sure to make you chuckle.

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Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer: Woke up this morning expecting a raging headache. My husband said, “Wanna know why your head doesn’t hurt so bad? Your last several gin and tonics I ordered for you were just water.”

That Mom Tho @mom_tho: My husband keeps telling everyone i messed up his breakfast bc i forgot to make him toast so he got mad at me because he’s “lack-toast intolerant” and then laughs and laughs.They don't warn you about endless dad jokes, they should, but they don't.

Lucy Huber @clhubes: My husband went to the store this morning and came home with sparkling wine and I was like this is nice but did you get the fruit I asked for? And he goes “fruit? Sorry, I thought you said Brut”

sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy: I can’t wait to show my husband the expensive gift he got me for my birthday tomorrow.

Marl @Marlebean: Me to anyone else: "it's in that cabinet"

Me to my husband: "it's in the upper cabinet next to the fridge on the left at eye level. It's bright green. It's right there. IT'S RIGHT THERE"

Tracie Breaux @traciebreaux: My husband got me a frying pan for Christmas and I looked over at him and he was waving to me from the 1950s.

Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3: My husband does this brilliant thing where when one of the kid’s toys breaks, he takes it down to the workshop to fix it, and it stays there till everyone forgets about it, and then I throw it away, and no one cries.

Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix: Wife: Go to the paint store and get two gallons of paint.

Me: Okay.

[paint store]

Clerk: That will be $160.


Wife: Where's the paint?

Me: They were sold out.

Simon Holland @simoncholland: Today is our anniversary. If the schedule works out, my wife and I will have a romantic dinner from the concession stand at our daughter’s softball game.

Boog @bewgtweets: Wife: have you seen the dog bowl?

Me: no, is he any good?

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