From coronazoned to lockblocking: the dating language we’ve learnt this year.
As if love in the time of coronavirus wasn’t hard enough, the pandemic has bought with it a whole new host of vocabulary that everyone - from singletons to long-term lovers - has had to grapple with.
While now we just about understand the premise of ghosting, and are familiar with the appropriate way to use an emoji, neologisms are cropping up faster than lockdowns. Here's a guide to the new lockdown lingo for lovers:
Zumping: The act of dumping someone over Zoom. This is a low blow, even for the most established of lotharios. It’s closely affiliated with the terms ‘FaceTumped’ (being dumped over FaceTime) and ‘Housepumped’ (being ditched over Houseparty). Most commonly associated with an ominous crackling voice, and the phrase: “We need to talk.”
Coronazoned: When a physical relationship is postponed out of fear of you or your partner catching the virus. The outcome is usually both parties agreeing to keep the relationship socially distanced: no kissing, touching or sharing swigs of gin out of a hip flask. It’s essentially friend-zoning for the corona age.
Lockblocking: The act of cancelling or rescheduling a date if lockdown rules and restrictions ruin your plans. A lockblocking conversation might go something a little like this: “Oh no, Keith – we’re going to have to cancel our stroll around the park. Boris has announced only those in an established relationship can meet up and, quite frankly, we just aren’t there yet.” It is one way to test you are both on the same page: “You don’t think we are established? But I met your cat.”
Maskfishing: Beware those ‘nice eyes’ peering up at you from behind a face mask – you might have a maskfisher on your hands. A derivative from the term ‘catfishing’, maskfishing happens when someone looks more attractive from beneath a mask than when they take it off. It’s become particularly popular on dating apps.
On-nomi: A rather elegant entry. The Japanese word is used to describe the process of drinking online: sipping ‘quarantinis’ at ‘locktail’ hour with a potential love interest on Zoom. Yes, it all sounds very March 2020, but one year on we are all still doing it.
FADA: First we had FOMO. Then, it was FOGO. But now, singletons may have been sparked into FODA (Fear of Dating Again). After almost a year of on and off restrictions, many people are finding that their flirting skills are rusty. Plus, there are so many extra things to cause us anxiety when dating in a pandemic: at what point do the masks come off? Is kissing allowed? What is their antibody status? It’s no surprise that many people are choosing to forgo dating altogether.
Quarantionship: A relationship that started during lockdown and developed virtually. These couples bonded over the 5pm press conference, Zoom dates and Netflix parties rather than a glass of wine at the pub, and are already intimately familiar with each other’s idiosyncrasies – despite only being together for two weeks.
Smugsolation: This one will be all too familiar for lonely singletons. It refers to couples who are isolating together, and take great pleasure in flaunting their flourishing relationship all over social media. They love posting pictures of their Netflix nights in, and stay glued together on their daily stroll around the block.
Seksbuddy: A word coined by Dutch officials last May. It refers to a pandemic ‘sex buddy’: someone with whom you can hook up with regularly to avoid dating around and potentially spreading the virus to a large amount of people.
Want to reacquaint yourself with the lingo that developed at the start of Lockdown1? Furlough Merlots, and all that....