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A Dozen Funny Quotes

In need of a chuckle? These should bring, at the very least, a smile to your face...

Street sign with figure peeping round the corner

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” David Lee Roth

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" Christina Aguilera

"We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight." Milton Berle

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” Bill Watterson

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” Emo Philips

"What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise." Jerome K. Jerome

"To be or not to be. That's not really a question." Jean-Luc Godard

"I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty." Imelda Marcos

“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” Daniel J. Boorstin

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." George Bernard Shaw

"Never have more children than you have car windows." Erma Bombeck

More great quotations...


Today's OGN Sunday Magazine articles

Head of State: Answering a newspaper advert is a novel route to becoming a head of government. But that's what Laura Sinclair Willis did.

Shared Spaces: The geometric beauty of Singapore’s social housing tables and the broader concept of what constitutes home.

Lovebirds: Animals are bilateral, meaning they have an even number of limbs - two arms, two legs. But some have evolved workarounds to this biological code.

Probiotics: A diet rich in probiotics could climate-proof coral reefs. New research shows “gut health” micro-organisms enhance immune systems of coral.

More Good News Articles: A handful of last week's most popular stories (and most watched video), just in case you would like to catch up.

Today's Videos

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