Middle East Unlikely to be Invaded

Updated: Jun 22, 2020

Now that oil is cheap as chips - pretty much worthless - what's the point? Warning: fake news / dark humour!

US military generals and private contractors were said to be inconsolable at the news that international and as well as home produced oil is now worth as little as minus $36 a barrel, scuppering any motivation for haphazardly pointing at a random Middle Eastern nation on a map and saying ‘invasion time’.

Crude oil, once the most sought after commodity in the world is now, by the barrel load, worth less than non-brand toilet roll, a price drop which has left many war fans devastated.

“Aw man, I hate this pandemic,” remarked a sulking Republican politician who had his heart set on a decades long war in Iran or some such oil plenty country that could create the sort of needless casualty numbers that inspired him to become a war mongering politician in the first place.

With the price collapse rendering oil less than worthless, many are contemplating if Middle Eastern countries and their citizens are even worth destroying.

“Trying to start a war in this economic climate? Good luck buddy,” sobbed one powerful private military lobbyist, who was this close to tricking President Trump into escalating to a full scale war with Iran before oil prices plummeted.

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