Random Snippets of Stuff to Make you Smile

In simple, bite-sized chunks:.

My mother always told me that I wouldn't amount to anything lying on the sofa... and yet here I am, saving the world.

Or, put another way: Our elders were called to war to save lives. We are being called to sit on the couch to save theirs. We can do this!

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn't the reason.

Quarantine Day X: Went to this restaurant called The Kitchen. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

People must not cough near you, they must cough far away. If you hear someone coughing, tell them to far cough.

We're only a few days into self isolating and it's really upsetting me to witness my husband standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down his cheeks. It breaks my heart to see him like this. I have thought very hard of how I can cheer him up. I even considered letting him come in, but rules are rules!

Thoughts and prayers going out to all the married men who've spent months telling the wife: "I'll do that when I've got time."

Quarantine Day Y: Drinking at home compared to the pub isn't working out. I almost asked my wife for her phone number.

I've started taking off my pajamas before going to bed at night because I don't want to sleep in my best work clothes.

Me, after washing my hands for 20 seconds 126 times in one day.

Oxford English Dictionary announces new word: Testiculate

To wave one's arms around whilst talking utter bollocks.

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